New Years Focus
In my last post I spoke about our family dynamic and the joys and challenges of having 4 kids. Not only having 4 kids but having them literally in completely different stages of their lives since they are 22, 20, 14 and 9. I entered my oldest 3 children's lives when I was 19, I didn't have a clue as to what the hell I was doing. So my 20's was spent figuring out how to parent, and to be quite honest I feel like I'm just figuring it out now as I'm in my 30's.
I just want to put a gentle reminder to be compassionate towards yourself when you find being a parent is tough, because it is. Every child is different, every situation is different and every mom and dad are different. However I have found that if you lead with love and find what resonates within yourself you will find joy in parenting.
As Jeb and I have parented throughout the years we realized that we were parenting as we've watched our parents parent or we led with beliefs that we had grabbed ahold of. As we've gotten older we realized that maybe switching up some of our beliefs or becoming more conscious on what feels right and to update some of our parenting techniques needed to happen. And just so you know this change hasn't happened over night, the longer we've parented and the more we have focused on self growth is when we started adjusting some of our beliefs and the way we parent.
This year Jeb and I have been focusing on reducing stress, becoming more conscious in parenting and making sure we are mindful in our actions. This isn't easy. My sister had introduced me to a school - MindValley ( https://www.mindvalley.com/ ) which is an online University that focuses on lifelong adventures in learning. Their free 60-90 master classes lead you into an awareness of so many different educational experiences available. Two of the masterclasses I connected with the most are the ones I enrolled into the 35 day course - Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy and The M Word "Meditation".
Each day we listen to the videos which range from 10-20 minutes in length and apply them to our day. We have learned how to release old beliefs patterns and instill new ones. We've learned that holding anger or resentment has the most impact on suppressing your highest brain waves and that forgiveness has nothing to do with that person or situation and everything to do with healing yourself. We've reset our limiting beliefs with health, fears, abundance and criticism and how to meditate when you can't settle your mind or find your breath and how mediation can help manage stress, sleep, pain, love and sex. We have learned a simple phrase "water the flowers and not the weeds" that has impacted our lives and the way we speak and look at things (you can ask our NorthFit Staff - they hear us say it all the time!)
Going through the courses we've realized that we've not only held beliefs that may not be relevant to us anymore but we've also laid that foundation for our children. January has been full of conversations to our kids on how we want them to break free of any beliefs they may not share with us or any experiences throughout the years that affected them and their mindset. We certainly still have our boundaries and rules within our home but we've made it clear that they have our full support on who and what they want to do going into their adult life.
The simple thought process of going to school getting a good GPA to get into a good college and make a career is no longer relevant for us. After realizing that neither of us have hit our ultimate career path until our 30's and 40's has made us realize if we didn't know what we wanted to be or do then how do we expect them too. It is never too late to find your dream or passion and sometimes you need to find yourself before that happens. Maybe working and meeting incredible people along the way may be the right route for one person and going to school is the best for another.
We've realized that we only guide our children and that they are not us, they do not have to believe in the same things we do, they do not have to follow a certain path but they are there own individual and they have the power to be and do whatever they want. They are not a reflection of us they are a reflection of themselves and the choices they make in their life whether they be good or bad. We can obviously set our own boundaries and rules but the time will come when they are adults and they can make their own. I look forward to seeing who they become, the choices they make, the rules they break and the boundaries they push.
There is nothing traditional about our family, it's actually beautifully chaotic. There are certainly aspects that I wish would have been easier along the way but that's not how our story unfolded. There will continue to be obstacles but we're building our tools on how to navigate, approach and manage good and bad stress. During these times Jeb and I realize the importance of not only taking time for ourselves but focusing on our relationship together. As we've maneuvered our way through our marriage we are fortunate that we haven't lost the love or respect for one another. Don't get me wrong there definitely has been moments we may not like each other or that we lost ourselves a bit and had to start the dating process over again but at the end of the day our love has grown and matured.
2019 we look forward to you and we will embrace you. We promise to put ourselves first so that we can be the best version of ourselves for our family, friendships, co-workers and each other. To all of my readers, we've got some surprises coming up for this next year and I'm looking forward to sharing them with all of you. Be patient, I hope you enjoy the chaos we'll be entering and get a good laugh and realize there is no perfect and there certainly is no standard - everyone's journey is their own and that's what makes it so special.
Picture by my dear friend Nicole Anhalt Photography